If You Want Me Page 6

  Still, he thought it might be worth it…to touch her no matter what came after.

  Her dark, almond-shaped eyes watched him. She didn’t move, gave no signs to warn him that she didn’t want this, so he pressed his hand over hers. She released the sheet and twined her fingers through his. The connection was a pulse of warmth flowing between them, every bit as electric as he had remembered.

  He wanted to dismiss her words, say it didn’t matter and that he hadn’t thought of that tragedy in years, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to lie. He gave her a bit of truth instead. “I still remember the first time I saw you, the first time I came home with Kyle to visit on Christmas break. Your hair was up in a ponytail, and you had an extra pencil tucked behind your ear. When you looked up from your Sudoku and smiled, I swear, you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. After that day, I was never the same.”

  She slowly turned her wrist so her palm lay flat against his, then she slid her fingers down his hand and rested the pads of her fingertips on his. “Please…let’s not talk about the past. It’s hard enough to come to terms with the fact that we might be able to be friends…you know, for Kyle’s sake.”

  “Is being my friend that distasteful to you?”

  “It was.” She squeezed his hand a little tighter, but didn’t seem to know she was doing it.

  “But not now?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe if I think about it too much it might be. But I don’t want to think that hard right now.” She slid her hand back up, toying with his fingers.

  The flutter of her lashes, as though she wanted to look up at him but couldn’t meet his eyes, made a similar fluttering in his chest. “Maybe that’s all right for now.”

  “What is?”

  “Not thinking too much. Just feeling.” He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of her mouth. “Like that. It feels so right to me, your skin under my lips. Your mouth so close to mine.”

  “Feelings are deceptive, Ben. They almost ruined both our lives once, gave me a list of regrets a mile long.”

  His only regret was ever leaving for Europe and giving that college-lacrosse bastard a chance to move in on his woman. In all fairness to Sara though, he’d barely been able to deal with losing their child, and he knew it had been even worse for her. She’d had the physical pain along with the emotional, and while at the time he’d thought he was doing the right thing, he’d left her wide open for the comfort of another man, and that mistake had cost him everything.

  So now she wanted to be friends? Hell, he’d take whatever piece of Sara Castillo he could get—so long as he didn’t have to entrust his heart to her. Never that. Never again. But could he kiss her if she needed it? Could he make her come without asking for anything in return? That he could do.

  Chapter Six

  Sara couldn’t believe Ben was beside her in nothing but his boxers with his thick cock straining against the fabric. She couldn’t believe she’d linked her fingers through his and was now fantasizing about taking his hand and pressing it between her legs. She didn’t know what was wrong with her. She didn’t know when her cloak of indignant anger had slipped from her shoulders to reveal the lusty woman underneath.

  She’d like to think it was when she’d come to terms with the fact that he hadn’t been with that other woman in Europe, but she feared it had started before then. She couldn’t be near Benjamin Swayne and not want him, not even traveling across the dusty Nevada desert in a car too pretentious for its own good.

  She remembered the first day she saw Ben, the memory he’d brought up, her smiling at him. She was younger than him by a couple of years, but she’d been to college and had seen all the handsome guys Harvard had to offer. But the moment she’d seen Ben, all others had ceased to exist. It wasn’t just that he was handsome enough in his own right to be a favorite of every gossip magazine. It was something more about him. A certain light in his eyes, the way he promised a woman the world without even saying a word.

  She’d been unsure about dating one of Kyle’s friends, but resisting Ben’s charm was a near impossibility. As she held his hand in this moment though, she couldn’t blame his innate charm for her desire or being totally out of her mind. No, this was simply the aftereffects of a love that didn’t know how to die. Like zombie love, maybe. Unbidden, ravenous and apparently indestructible, even after all these years.

  “So what do you think?” she asked. “Could we try this friend thing or would it be too weird?”

  He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and then cupped her cheek. “You scare the shit out of me, Sara.”

  His unexpected words made a burst of laughter explode from her lungs, but the intent look in his eyes told her he meant what he said. “Oh, really?”

  “I want to try, though. You know…for Kyle.” He blinked hard and looked away.

  There was something going on in his head, but she couldn’t define it. All she knew was that she wasn’t going to tease him or make this harder on either of them. For maybe the first time, she wondered if the loss they’d suffered, first their child then their love, had been as hard on him as it was on her.

  She placed her hand over his, pressing it to her cheek. “Ben?”

  “Yes?”

  “Come here.” She let go of his other hand and slipped her fingers behind his nape. He came willingly, his mouth slowly lowering to hers. “To friendship,” she whispered, and pressed her lips to his.

  Feeling his mouth on hers—something she never thought she’d feel again in this lifetime—her body ignited in flames, like she was a paper doll and his lips were the match. Her pussy clenched, her fingers curling into his scalp. She’d intended just a simple kiss, friendly even, but suddenly her mouth was open and her tongue was delving inside.

  He moaned like a man in pain and wrapped his arms around her, almost picking her up off the bed as he took her mouth harder. “God, Sara. Yes.”

  She clasped his head in her hands and with the covers still between them, raised her hips just to feel his solid body near. They clung to each other, kissing like two teens, breathing each other’s air. He kissed her until she was whimpering with need. Maybe if she’d had that orgasm, she would have been clearheaded enough to stop this before it went too far. But all she could do was let her body lead. She ground herself against him harder this time, too needy to be ashamed. She couldn’t think past her need for release.

  Still holding her with one arm, Ben released her with the other and she felt his hand go to her thigh. “May I?” he asked.

  She didn’t know what he was planning, but he had the green light as far as she was concerned. “Yes,” she breathed.

  He peeled back the sheet and she almost covered her breasts with her hands, but then she heard the sound of a soft vibration and a moment later felt the pulse of the bullet between her legs. She bit her lip as he slicked it over her clit. “Oh, shit, Ben… Just like that.”

  He kissed her again, his tongue more demanding now, plunging into her mouth in a way that she imagined he wanted to do with his cock, then a moment later, he was gone, sliding down her body, his tongue making a moist trail of sensation down her neck. He kissed her breasts with soft, worshipful kisses, then took one nipple into his mouth and suckled. And all the while, his hand between her legs kept a steady rhythm, pressing the bullet to her clit harder then softer, massaging it up and down.

  She came before she even had a chance to stop herself. One minute she was writhing against the toy in his magical grip, and the next she was screaming, one hand fisting his hair and the other grasping the sheets. Her eyes pressed together tightly, her head thrown back, mouth opened in a loud moan. “Ben! Yes, please!”

  Her hips met his touch, pressing harder into the soft bullet, wanting nothing more than for it to be Ben’s mouth, Ben’s cock, even his fingers inside her. She let the orgasm play out, taking every ounce of pleasure he gave her, until she lay shuddering on the bed, the vibrations of the bullet almost feeling too strong agai
nst her sensitive clit now.

  Ben switched it off, his eyes never leaving hers. He leaned in and kissed her again, and his cheeks were splotched with color, his breathing rough and ragged. She reached down and ran a hand along the rigid girth of his cock through his boxers. “My turn,” she said.

  He laughed. “No. Tonight is about you.”

  She raised her brows. He really wasn’t going to let her touch him? From the feel of him, he needed release as badly as she did. “Please?”

  “Look how nicely she asks,” he said. “Of course I’ll give you more.”

  He reached over her and came up with the bunny-eared vibrator in his grip, then walked to the restroom, rinsed it briefly under the faucet and headed back to her.

  “Scoot closer.” He patted the edge of the bed and then grasped her hip in his hand and dragged her to end of the mattress when she didn’t move fast enough. “Now spread your legs for me.”

  He got on his knees in front of her parted thighs and she had visions for a moment about him wetting her with his tongue. But when he slid the head of the vibrator over her, she knew she was already dripping wet. “It’s broken, remember?”

  He chuckled in response. “Trust me, I’m not likely to forget that event. But I want to see if I can still make it work for you. You know, like a good friend would. Is that okay with you?”

  Her pussy pulsed, almost like the aftermath of an orgasm, but this was sheer anticipation. It wasn’t fair that she hadn’t touched him yet, but she still heard her now raspy voice fire back, “Have at it, Benjamin.”

  “First things first…”

  He ducked his head and the next thing she knew his tongue swept over her clit, licking her folds before he gently sucked her into his mouth and teased her tiny bundle of nerves with swirls of his tongue. She grasped his head in her hands and sank her fingers into his hair, trying not to pull him tighter to her. It just felt so damn good. Ben clearly didn’t know that the only way she could have an orgasm these days was with her toys. When a shudder wracked her body, she wondered if it might be a good thing he didn’t get that memo.

  “Sara…” he breathed against her wet core before nuzzling into her again with his lips and tongue. “Holy fuck, you taste sweet.”

  She whimpered, not sure what she liked more, the crazy-good things he was doing to her clit or the feel of him in her hands again after all these years. “You’re so good, Benji…”

  When he looked up at her with moist lips, her eyes widened. Shit. She’d just called him Benji, and he hated that. If there was ever a time she didn’t want to make Benjamin Swayne annoyed, it was now. “I think we need less talking,” he said, then he teased her entrance with the head of the vibrator before sinking it all the way inside her, but it felt as though the little bunny portion was pressing into her ass this time, like he’d accidentally put it in upside down.

  She gasped and raised her hips toward the invasion, but he pressed her back onto the bed, his hand pumping the toy in and out while his mouth latched on to her once again. A loud moan escaped her lips. She wouldn’t come this fast again. She just wouldn’t. If this was the only time she ever got to experience the man she’d loved, she wanted it to last just a little longer.

  She felt him pause and then a moment later the shaft inside her powered up. He worked the pulsing cock inside her while his mouth worked her clit. The bunny ears still weren’t functioning, but the light, steady pressure on her ass was just another amazing sensation to add to the ecstasy he was giving her. She could barely open her eyes, but she looked down and caught his profile as he bent over her. His left hand was under her rump, his right hand was busy with the vibrator, and his perfect, handsome face was feasting on her pussy like he was ravenous.

  Sara stretched her head back on the pillow and almost cried, it felt so good. Her eyes watered, and her hips moved of their own volition as she panted against the pleasure, trying not to come.

  Ben’s left hand moved from cupping her ass to her stomach and he flattened his palm against her belly, fingers wide, in some sort of possessive gesture. “Let go, querida,” he said. “Come for me.”

  When his tongue found her again, she couldn’t hold back. The two sensations combined were too much for her, but none as much as Ben’s touch against her skin and the way he’d called her his darling once again. He’d spoken no Spanish when they’d first met, but he’d made it his goal to be able to whisper sweet nothings to Sara in her family’s first language. It had warmed her heart as much back then as it did now. This man knew what he was doing, both with his mouth and his words, and she had no defense against him.

  When Sara came this time, it was some sort of insane, out-of-body experience. She came so hard, her scream sounded more like a woman in pain than one in the throes of ecstasy. For a moment, she was scared she was losing control of her faculties completely. The pulses of her body went on and on, and she cried Ben’s name along with them.

  When the last tremor shivered through her and her body went completely still, Ben pulled the vibrator from inside her, shut it off, and laid it on the bed beside her. He stood and ran both hands through his hair, making it stand up even worse than Sara’s ministrations had done. Then he simply took her hand, placed a kiss on her palm and said, “Goodnight, Sara.”

  Chapter Seven

  Sara lay there awake long after Ben walked out. She cursed herself for giving in to temptation and making things so much worse for them when morning came. The worst part was that she didn’t know what to feel.

  She’d hated him for so long, and every bit of that hate was fueled by the fierce love she’d once felt for him. But the attraction…that had always been there from the first day she’d seen him, and once again he’d proven that his reputation for sexual prowess had been earned.

  What would he say if he knew he was the only man she’d ever been able to have an orgasm with the old-fashioned way? She had no intention of ever telling him and giving him something to hold over her or something to inflate his already substantial ego. And if she remembered correctly—and she’d never forgotten it—his ego wasn’t the only very substantial part of Ben.

  Her dreams that night were an even mix of hot, steamy and horrific. When the sun through the curtains woke her the next morning, she realized she’d been crying again in her sleep. Visions came rushing back to her. She’d had this dream before. Ben sitting crossed-legged in a field of small purple flowers on a sunny morning. He held their child in his arms wrapped in a white crocheted blanket, his arms extended above him as though the child was flying and the baby smiled down at him with a big, toothless grin. She’d seen them from far off and waved and called his name, but as though he hadn’t heard her, Ben stood, holding the child against his shoulder, and walked farther into the distance.

  Thankfully over the years, this recurring dream had softened, but Sara still remembered the earlier days after her miscarriage when she’d run after them, frantic and frightened, and in those dreams she’d never been able to catch Ben or see her baby’s face.

  Sara wiped the tears from the outer corners of her eyes. She supposed it was sign that she was healing that she didn’t chase after them anymore, but she’d take it as a better sign when Benjamin Swayne stayed the hell out of her dreams. Really, how much havoc could one teen fling wreak on a person’s life? When would she stop paying for that mistake?

  Sara showered and packed her things, worrying her lip the entire time, thinking about how awkward it was going to be seeing Ben after he’d had his face in her girlie parts just hours before. If she’d been allowed to go down on him, at least they’d have been on a level playing field.

  When she opened her door and dragged her suitcase into the main room of the suite, Ben was sitting on the couch, tapping away on his laptop. He looked up and smiled blandly. “Good morning. Are you ready to go pick up the keys to the lodge and get back on the road?”

  Sara just blinked. She’d screamed his name while soaking his lips in her bodily fluid and that
was the lackluster greeting she got the morning after? “Sure. I’ll drive.”

  Ben snapped his computer closed and tossed Sara the keys. “Of course you will.”

  It actually ended up being a good thing that Sara had driven the first leg of the trip to Montana, because Ben’s hands were shaking and it took all his strength not to do something really, really stupid. He wasn’t even sure what it was he wanted to do. There was just a painful churning in his chest, like his desiccated heart was attempting to beat again after so many years.

  Admittedly, he was a complete wreck. At times on the drive, berating himself when he would think of the euphoria he’d felt at tasting Sara again—her lips, her pussy—and have to hide his erection under the newspaper or shift his legs so his desire didn’t make her uncomfortable. He harbored no illusions that she really wanted him. She’d simply been in need of another toy and he’d been more than happy to lend a hand.

  Halfway through the trip, he took his turn at the wheel, and that helped a little. He talked to Sara of his years at the helm of his family business and spoke to her of aspects of his business that most of the other women he’d dated couldn’t have begun to understand. He’d thought the dryness of the subjects he’d chosen would help quell the fire in him, but her questions and responses were so damned astute that he was a lost cause. He’d always found Sara’s sharp mind to be even sexier than her body, and that was saying something.

  They rounded the final corner, bringing them to the gates of the lodge. “I’ll have to punch in the code to open the gate, then we’ll disarm the security system when we get up to the house.”

  Her dainty brunette eyebrows rose and her eyes widened when she took in the property. Her smile almost took his breath away. “Oh my God, Ben. It’s lovely.”